My Mind Playing Tricks on Me
Ya know, I LOVE to eat!
If it's covered in icing and sprinkles and has a hole in the middle OMG you better stay away. I mean, TV Sugar Davis was my nickname when I was a kid.
I ate everything and anything I wanted when I was little until cavities and weight got the best of me and that's when I became aware of how much I loved to eat.
It's not like I was morbidly obese by no means. Just around 30+ needing to be lost when I was a teenager and that wasn't the problem. What the problem was was the inner reasons as to why my weight became a problem and that's when psychological reasons (or lack of better terms my Pandora's Box) came about.
We ALL have different relationships towards food and no one is the same but my to my unknown explanation it became apparent that when digesting red meat at a young age I would be succumb to being in the bathroom for hours afterwards with a stomach ache. And while my parents most of the time were yelling and screaming with their marital issues, my digestion issues became worse with any sort of drama around me.
Seems that my mind plays tricks on me all the time and simply needing to sometimes re-organize my thoughts and become seemly calm (you would think) but sometimes I find that just simple tasks like eating more food and bulking up for my next competition can somewhat seem like a challenge for me because I don't have thick enough skin.
For example, I eat the same thing pretty much every single day and basically take a crap around the same times every day, FYI.. seems normal right? But when for instance I go on a long flight coming home to Hawaii, I basically end up being constipated for the entire next day with stomach aches and cramping. The story of my life is like that if I'm stressed or around dramatic people or lose sleep and on and on and on!
So it's very difficult when I want to gain weight and it becomes a challenge just to keep on my muscle when I have such a sensitive digestive system due to the fact that my mind allows me to play tricks on me and sometimes get my energy so low that it becomes difficult for me. Grrrrr...
Anyone else deal with these issues or am I going NUTS! Because having an eating disorder is one thing all I want to do is relax and stuff my face with food and gain weight is another.
If it's covered in icing and sprinkles and has a hole in the middle OMG you better stay away. I mean, TV Sugar Davis was my nickname when I was a kid.
I ate everything and anything I wanted when I was little until cavities and weight got the best of me and that's when I became aware of how much I loved to eat.
It's not like I was morbidly obese by no means. Just around 30+ needing to be lost when I was a teenager and that wasn't the problem. What the problem was was the inner reasons as to why my weight became a problem and that's when psychological reasons (or lack of better terms my Pandora's Box) came about.
We ALL have different relationships towards food and no one is the same but my to my unknown explanation it became apparent that when digesting red meat at a young age I would be succumb to being in the bathroom for hours afterwards with a stomach ache. And while my parents most of the time were yelling and screaming with their marital issues, my digestion issues became worse with any sort of drama around me.
Seems that my mind plays tricks on me all the time and simply needing to sometimes re-organize my thoughts and become seemly calm (you would think) but sometimes I find that just simple tasks like eating more food and bulking up for my next competition can somewhat seem like a challenge for me because I don't have thick enough skin.
For example, I eat the same thing pretty much every single day and basically take a crap around the same times every day, FYI.. seems normal right? But when for instance I go on a long flight coming home to Hawaii, I basically end up being constipated for the entire next day with stomach aches and cramping. The story of my life is like that if I'm stressed or around dramatic people or lose sleep and on and on and on!
So it's very difficult when I want to gain weight and it becomes a challenge just to keep on my muscle when I have such a sensitive digestive system due to the fact that my mind allows me to play tricks on me and sometimes get my energy so low that it becomes difficult for me. Grrrrr...
Anyone else deal with these issues or am I going NUTS! Because having an eating disorder is one thing all I want to do is relax and stuff my face with food and gain weight is another.
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