So What's the Big Deal?




I get so excited to work out and be active everyday.  Rise n Shine.  Make my egg whites and Oatmeal and holy cow do I love to dress up in my work out clothes!  It doesn't matter wether it's raining and freezing or blazing hot at 115 degrees, I'm always in favor of doing my sets with my Fitness Family.  I remember quite a few people asking me.  Michelle, is it all about Protein Shakes and going to the Gym everyday that makes you so happy?

Well, I'm not trying to change the world by running a 50 mile marathon; I'm pretty normal when it comes to the average white 34 year female old athlete trying to live a healthy life.  Go to the gym, yoga it up, juice and superfoods, go for a swim and a sauna later kind of gal. Pretty laid back but seriously active at the same time.  Sounds funny right?  But this Bikini Fitness competition that I've entered myself into has got me thinking exactly what have I got myself into?

There's no million dollar prize or giveaway except for a trophy and if you're lucky, a title holding.  So what's the big deal?  It is because I've worked so hard for this final moment that if I trip or fall on stage then all my work goes down the drain?  The mind fuck games that go on in my head and OCD has a huge role in this.  This is where I try so hard to distract myself and not wanting to think about myself on stage and that panic feeling moment just overwhelms me.  Its like everyone biggest fear, right?  Everyone looking and judging you and then it hits me...BAM!  My anxiety is not about my body or this competition.  This is all about having stage fright and needing to take control over myself worrying about what other people think of me.  That is what is giving me this anxiety.  That is what's probably the #1 thing that is freaking me out most of all.  No wonder my posing coach told me to relax.

I feel that I need to work on chilling out and not taking everything so serious.  I was born serious, my mom would always tell me.  And I do have a problem lightening up sometimes in public when in fact I'm being my own worst critic.  My paranoia that everyone is looking at me has me always gotten me so tense that I can hardly breathe sometimes.  When in reality, I to seriously realize that no one cares that much to gawk at me.  Especially at a body building show where there are 100's of other people running around half naked.

I need to focus on having fun and that my love for working out has been the biggest achievement of all.  I already have my 1st place trophy and that's my body and my mind.  Not thinking so much about competing and really just knowing that I found my love in life needs to be the biggest weight off my shoulders already.  This competition is like the grand finale to celebrating my runway moment!  I figured how to ease a lot of my mental issues by just thinking of this like a big party I'm celebrating with my friends and that with practice I'll be fine on stage.  Piece of cake, see.  I feel better already!  I know now what my mind and body need to be stress free about this whole thing.  When I get scared and nervous and start to feel anxiety, I start to play a game with myself.  I find where I feel excited and joyful to pretend that I'm learning something new will figure it out no problem.  I'm living life more fulfilled going on with fulfilling my life dream as a competitor and more than ever before and it is so wonderful to feel so blessed in my life!

If being so caught up in a competition gets me to the point that I can't enjoy myself, then maybe Protein Shakes and going to the gym does make me really a happier person.  At least in my world it does and that's ok.  It's putting the time  and energy into everything you love to do and with time it will show results on how much passion you have for yourself inside as well.  No Biggie After All.....The End!


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